I can’t look away, it’s like they’re a parody of themselves
Lads think about sex every four seconds, and this makes life so much more interesting for them. While women think about boring things like cleaning products, flowers and feeding their babies, Lads get to think about cars and boobs and MAKING babies.
So you have poured out the chat and lubricated her inhibitions. You have convinced her best friend, who is now being whisked out of the club by your best friend, that she is in good hands.
"I’m just going to walk her to Kebab Kid. It’s freezing and she needs my jacket. I’ll put her in a taxi back to hers when she has eaten. I promise."
Make sure she’s not too clever. You don’t want to have to spend the whole date being subjected to some boring anecdote about penguins in Antarctica or orphans in Asia. She needs to be bright enough to have stored up enough comedy, television, and current affairs in that little brain of hers to be able to laugh at all your jokes and make you feel funny and special, while at the same time indicating to everyone around you that you possess comedic genius. But she must not be bright enough to make her own jokes – you haven’t taken her out to actually listen to what she has to say, and you certainly don’t want to risk having your moment overshadowed.